Strung out on Metrics

I shouldn’t be writing this

I started this newsletter in March 2023 and almost immediately galloped into publishing at a dependable weekly cadence every Wednesday. It developed into a book which I published in October of 2024. Just recently, I’ve decided to create a podcast as well. Returning to the page at the age of 42 after a lifetime of dropping out of everything over and over again has given me more than I could have ever imagined.

The thing is that I haven’t taken a break since I started, and the effects of that are starting to creep on me. On top of this media empire I’m building, I am also working two job-jobs in restaurants where I get paid actual money and am finally making significant progress in paying off my debt.

I woke up with a headache and a little too much awareness of my heartbeat on Monday. After my shift at the restaurant, I ended up at my mom’s house with a box of tissues and the complaint that I take everything to the extreme. Everything I love becomes a source of pain. I don’t want to stop, but I need a break. I’ve had a lump in my throat since January, and I’ve only gone on one single solitary hike since the year began. This is all to say that I’m taking at least two weeks (maybe four) off from publishing anything.

There’s a fear behind me not being able to stop. The fear is not that people won’t care or that they’ll stop reading. I’m afraid that if I stop writing for a week, I’ll stop writing forever. That is the tiger that’s chasing me, and it’s bullshit. I’m not a robot. I’m a human being, and I deserve a break. It’s like we say at the end of dinner service, “I’m going to go pee now. I think I’ve earned it.”

I’m pausing paid subscriptions during this uncomfortable period of rest and forbidding myself to even enter a place where I will make any sort of written proclamation of anything.

ALSO, I’m so blessed and proud of myself for doing the things I said I was going to do.

Thank you for reading.