Thank you, Allison❤️It’s funny I often start with half truths that make me seem cooler and more normal, but my real self always creeps out and wags her crooked little finger at that.
You just told so much of my story. Historically my social media use has been about garnering The Gaze and the sweet, warm glow of validation that comes with it. But recent years brought true love into my life - all intimacy, no image - then marriage, now early perimenopause. Every day started feeling like an identity crisis. Social media stopped being an affirmation slot machine and turned into a distorted funhouse mirror, showing me all the parts of myself it had been covering over with its filtered fakeness.
In December I googled, “What kind of person should not use social media?” and the search results returned an exact description of my personality.
I currently have a goal of 2/1 to replace my smartphone with a dumbphone. In the meantime, grateful for signposts like this piece that remind me I’m on the right path for me.
By 2/1 you mean February first right? I was thinking two to one ratio—like you would use your dumb phone 2/3 of the time and your smart phone 1/3. That sounds kind of crazy but I watched a youtube video of a guy who did that. He would use the smart phone during the work day and then transfer the SIM into the Light Phone before he left the office. Will it be your first time without a smart phone in decades? I had to buy a big purse with lots of different items to replace everything the smart phone has. Also I suggest carrying cash for things like bill splitting and elote vendors.
This. Is. Gold. The fake accounts? The sheer audacity? I am LIVING for the honesty here. It’s like peeling back the curtains and finding not just the mess but the whole damn plotline.
Julie, you’re outing what so many of us would rather bury, and I’m applauding wildly ~ while quietly plotting my own tell-all on pseudonyms, questionable choices, and stories I’ve yet to spill.
I'm one of those people you write about who can relate to all the abnormal things you're doing - as I do them too. We all just want to be normal people but being abnormal is actually the norm.
I have only been able to moderate social media if I’m really into a guy. I won’t need to go on and post because I have a person who’s giving me all my dopamine hits. Sad but true. And the time limits on apps are a joke because I will always wiggle my way around those.
I love this entire post. I tried a fake Instagram account to friend a woman my boyfriend cheated on me with, but she ignored the request and Instagram deactivated my account, so a total fail. Getting rid of the cheating abusive boyfriend was the obvious move and best thing I've done in maybe ever. Now, thanks to him or hormones, I have zero interest in men and consequently, zero interest in my physical appearance except to show up to work not looking like a homeless woman. Just wake up and mace the male gaze. I have so much more brain space because of this.
But the most important thing to know is this: there's no such thing as too many pictures of your cat.
Oh God we are the same. I thought I still had interest in men, but the other day when I was scrolling Hinge, a match (which means I thought he was attractive) sent me a message that said, “How’s your Sunday?” I immediately paused my account and threw down my phone. I just couldn’t care less. Then this morning, I was thinking about Liz Gilbert’s, Comitted, the history of marriage as an institution, and that I’m not buying into it, at least for now. We’ll see how that changes in the middle of the month when it’s cold outside and I’m ovulating.
Gah!!!!! This may be the most honest thing I will read all week here.
In a world where we can so easily filter ourselves away in reels, photos, stories & posts on socials, you deliver an unfiltered truth bomb here.
Julie - you are not alone. Trust me. You just have the guts to say it on the page. Which is one of the many reasons I ❤️ you.
Thank you, Allison❤️It’s funny I often start with half truths that make me seem cooler and more normal, but my real self always creeps out and wags her crooked little finger at that.
We’ll I’m here for the real you. Crooked finger and all 🙃
Omg the fake FB account and confession and multiple niche IG accounts and illegal photo shoots. I adore you, Julie. Also, fuck moderation. ❤️
You just told so much of my story. Historically my social media use has been about garnering The Gaze and the sweet, warm glow of validation that comes with it. But recent years brought true love into my life - all intimacy, no image - then marriage, now early perimenopause. Every day started feeling like an identity crisis. Social media stopped being an affirmation slot machine and turned into a distorted funhouse mirror, showing me all the parts of myself it had been covering over with its filtered fakeness.
In December I googled, “What kind of person should not use social media?” and the search results returned an exact description of my personality.
I currently have a goal of 2/1 to replace my smartphone with a dumbphone. In the meantime, grateful for signposts like this piece that remind me I’m on the right path for me.
By 2/1 you mean February first right? I was thinking two to one ratio—like you would use your dumb phone 2/3 of the time and your smart phone 1/3. That sounds kind of crazy but I watched a youtube video of a guy who did that. He would use the smart phone during the work day and then transfer the SIM into the Light Phone before he left the office. Will it be your first time without a smart phone in decades? I had to buy a big purse with lots of different items to replace everything the smart phone has. Also I suggest carrying cash for things like bill splitting and elote vendors.
I love that you Googled, “What kind of person should not use social media?” I Google questions I already know the answer too as well. HA.!
This. Is. Gold. The fake accounts? The sheer audacity? I am LIVING for the honesty here. It’s like peeling back the curtains and finding not just the mess but the whole damn plotline.
Julie, you’re outing what so many of us would rather bury, and I’m applauding wildly ~ while quietly plotting my own tell-all on pseudonyms, questionable choices, and stories I’ve yet to spill.
See I know there are people who will read this and think I’m crazy, but those aren’t my people. Thank you!
My kinda person 😘
I'm one of those people you write about who can relate to all the abnormal things you're doing - as I do them too. We all just want to be normal people but being abnormal is actually the norm.
See, I would have never expected that from you. Goes to show you there is no use in being ashamed of ourselves.
I think of you whenever i see before and afters on insta, but more importantly I think of you when I see cats being dummies.
The act of God to not scroll. Damn.
Same.
I suspect those of us who can’t moderate alcohol also struggle-or can’t?-moderate social media.
Love this pic of you in the garden. Karli did great 😍
I have only been able to moderate social media if I’m really into a guy. I won’t need to go on and post because I have a person who’s giving me all my dopamine hits. Sad but true. And the time limits on apps are a joke because I will always wiggle my way around those.
I think we might share the same brain.
I love this entire post. I tried a fake Instagram account to friend a woman my boyfriend cheated on me with, but she ignored the request and Instagram deactivated my account, so a total fail. Getting rid of the cheating abusive boyfriend was the obvious move and best thing I've done in maybe ever. Now, thanks to him or hormones, I have zero interest in men and consequently, zero interest in my physical appearance except to show up to work not looking like a homeless woman. Just wake up and mace the male gaze. I have so much more brain space because of this.
But the most important thing to know is this: there's no such thing as too many pictures of your cat.
Oh God we are the same. I thought I still had interest in men, but the other day when I was scrolling Hinge, a match (which means I thought he was attractive) sent me a message that said, “How’s your Sunday?” I immediately paused my account and threw down my phone. I just couldn’t care less. Then this morning, I was thinking about Liz Gilbert’s, Comitted, the history of marriage as an institution, and that I’m not buying into it, at least for now. We’ll see how that changes in the middle of the month when it’s cold outside and I’m ovulating.
😅 yeah ovulation, those few days a month I'm suddenly noticing men are also at the grocery store.
I am so proud of you, my brave, beautiful daughter.
Love you, Mom.