I want to say that this excellent piece has seriously *startled* me, it has affected me deeply. Everything about optimisation, where and how we place our faith, when we're in sobriety...I'd love to try to say something a little clearer when I'm less shaken, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
That’s such a compliment, Daisy. It’s crazy how similar these patterns are in all of us. It’s almost like we are collectively an organism made of sober, middle-aged (is that offensive or accurate?) sober seekers. Maybe pre-middle aged or quarter-aged if any of this optimization works out. There is definitely a lot to say about it.
“There was a time when my life was so regimented, I felt boxed in without any breathing room.”
I relate with so much of this article but this stood out to me. In the beginning of my sobriety I was forced to be regimented in fear of losing it all, not knowing myself and following other people’s decisions and advice was paramount because “I knew nothing”. Yes, there’s truth to that but the way it was presented or rather the way I heard it caused a lot of damage that I had to unlearn. Now I feel I can breathe. I am my own person, I’m still learning who she is and I love the rebel in me. It makes me feel like I’m really there just revolting against “the man”, not to my detriment anymore. I will continue to forfeit cold plunges after being successful for weeks, eating shit after dieting and beginning to feel better, veering off the path and playing victim at times until I see the truth, it’s all in my make-up of humanity and the grace I give myself allows me to spread it to someone else. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone 🙌
YES! This is why I have to write. I share things that feel so weird and specific only to find out that there are actually many people going through the same exact thing. Welcome to the other side of the other side, and I’ll see you on the other side of this. So glad we fought those first demons!
I know I tell you this all the time but it’s true: I’m reading and nodding and laughing as if I’m on the phone with my best friend and we are saying, “why are we like this!” So relatable for me. I’ve noticed that for me when things feel particularly out of control I go into what I call my information gathering phase where I think I can learn myself out of whatever is causing me feelings. Can’t tell you how many half read books I have on any number of topics. Glad I’m not the only self diagnoser. Would I even be me if I didn’t have a plan to fix something about myself? I see you Julie and thanks once again for making me feel seen too.
It’s like in horror movies where they go to the library to view the microfiche to investigate what happened in the house that’s making the doors slam by themselves at night. It must be something instinctual to try to know our way out of the parts we feel we can’t control.
Julie - you did that thing again. Where you climb into my f’n brain. 😅
I will self-diagnose and protocol the shit out of myself right alongside you. And I will keep disappearing into other people’s “wisdom”.
You make me feel less alone 🫶
I fall into the same trap time and time again. Let someone else’s “protocol” be the thing that transforms me out of my addictions, neuroses, compulsions etc.
Welcome to our brains Allison. Maybe we can write our way into our own protocols. Maybe they are creative and just right for us, and already in there. Right now I’m in this place where I both feel that I need to let the regimentation go and also that if I let it go, I will not achieve my goals. It’s like I’m in a freeze state trying to figure out what to do next, but from the outside everything appears normal.
I know what you mean. I madly moderate everything but then feel so much better when I just allow myself to lean into the routine and structure. Perhaps my (our?) creativity hinges on our own customized rules and procedures. And we're already halfway there by recognizing it (awareness?)
This is SO GOOD. The line, "I realize I have to let go of one of my most dearly held beliefs about myself"... That's it!
I've been thinking a lot about the expression, "I'm the kind of person who..." It's always annoyed me and I've realised that's because I'm frustrated by the awkward little boxes we all force ourselves into. We squeeze ourselves into them then argue for our right to stay there. "I'm the kind of person who needs a drink in their hand to feel comfortable at a party." "I'm the kind of person who never finishes anything she starts."
These days I'm working on being the kind of person who earns their own trust... I like the idea of the tattoo. 😊
Thank you for this brilliant, thought-provoking piece!
I’ve been eager to have a discussion about the Huberman scandal ? but like you most of my IRL peeps don’t know who he is. 🤷♀️ my coworkers have zero idea. My bf sort of heard of him. We had an interesting chat around alpha men, morality, podcast fame vs. other fame & the possible motives of NY magazine. I thought the article was poorly written. She did not stay with a clear thesis nor back up her arguments (that Huberman was erratic and untrustworthy). I wonder what her goal was. I wonder how his podcast is doing. I wonder if there’s a bump up in listenership or a decline. Probably a bump. Initially the article was triggering for me around past boyfriends so I had to sort that out too.
Oh man I did not have the takeaway that the article was poorly written. It seems that the intent was to question the integrity of this big personality in the wellness world especially when it comes to his treatment of women. I also recognize that I bring my own bias into my reading because of my past. I was entangled with a love fraud for years and am now sensitive to any deceptive behaviors in romantic relationships. I use Facebook mostly for the private group that I won’t name, but there are different chapters for different regions, and the intent is to provide a forum for women to share info and about new partners to make sure that they aren’t being love-conned. I guess that’s why every aspect of this story stirred up so much in me—especially the question of trust (I spent $100 on Athletic Greens).
I hear you. “Love fraud”. I definitely bring my own bias. I dated several of those. One was rather traumatizing and I had to check in with myself as well. I do think the NY magazine writer succeeded in questioning his integrity, especially in romantic relationships. I wish she had been more focused. I think she jumped around quite a bit and took a long time to get to her point. If she were more focused, I think her argue would have been taken more seriously.
I am curious about the Haberman scandal? I guess I was lucky to find I was not able to get through 1/3 of an endless episode, I was curious about the science behind eyes but I never got the data
I want to say that this excellent piece has seriously *startled* me, it has affected me deeply. Everything about optimisation, where and how we place our faith, when we're in sobriety...I'd love to try to say something a little clearer when I'm less shaken, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
That’s such a compliment, Daisy. It’s crazy how similar these patterns are in all of us. It’s almost like we are collectively an organism made of sober, middle-aged (is that offensive or accurate?) sober seekers. Maybe pre-middle aged or quarter-aged if any of this optimization works out. There is definitely a lot to say about it.
“There was a time when my life was so regimented, I felt boxed in without any breathing room.”
I relate with so much of this article but this stood out to me. In the beginning of my sobriety I was forced to be regimented in fear of losing it all, not knowing myself and following other people’s decisions and advice was paramount because “I knew nothing”. Yes, there’s truth to that but the way it was presented or rather the way I heard it caused a lot of damage that I had to unlearn. Now I feel I can breathe. I am my own person, I’m still learning who she is and I love the rebel in me. It makes me feel like I’m really there just revolting against “the man”, not to my detriment anymore. I will continue to forfeit cold plunges after being successful for weeks, eating shit after dieting and beginning to feel better, veering off the path and playing victim at times until I see the truth, it’s all in my make-up of humanity and the grace I give myself allows me to spread it to someone else. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone 🙌
YES! This is why I have to write. I share things that feel so weird and specific only to find out that there are actually many people going through the same exact thing. Welcome to the other side of the other side, and I’ll see you on the other side of this. So glad we fought those first demons!
I know I tell you this all the time but it’s true: I’m reading and nodding and laughing as if I’m on the phone with my best friend and we are saying, “why are we like this!” So relatable for me. I’ve noticed that for me when things feel particularly out of control I go into what I call my information gathering phase where I think I can learn myself out of whatever is causing me feelings. Can’t tell you how many half read books I have on any number of topics. Glad I’m not the only self diagnoser. Would I even be me if I didn’t have a plan to fix something about myself? I see you Julie and thanks once again for making me feel seen too.
It’s like in horror movies where they go to the library to view the microfiche to investigate what happened in the house that’s making the doors slam by themselves at night. It must be something instinctual to try to know our way out of the parts we feel we can’t control.
Julie - you did that thing again. Where you climb into my f’n brain. 😅
I will self-diagnose and protocol the shit out of myself right alongside you. And I will keep disappearing into other people’s “wisdom”.
You make me feel less alone 🫶
I fall into the same trap time and time again. Let someone else’s “protocol” be the thing that transforms me out of my addictions, neuroses, compulsions etc.
I feel you, girl.
This one is soooooooo good 🔥
Welcome to our brains Allison. Maybe we can write our way into our own protocols. Maybe they are creative and just right for us, and already in there. Right now I’m in this place where I both feel that I need to let the regimentation go and also that if I let it go, I will not achieve my goals. It’s like I’m in a freeze state trying to figure out what to do next, but from the outside everything appears normal.
I know what you mean. I madly moderate everything but then feel so much better when I just allow myself to lean into the routine and structure. Perhaps my (our?) creativity hinges on our own customized rules and procedures. And we're already halfway there by recognizing it (awareness?)
This is SO GOOD. The line, "I realize I have to let go of one of my most dearly held beliefs about myself"... That's it!
I've been thinking a lot about the expression, "I'm the kind of person who..." It's always annoyed me and I've realised that's because I'm frustrated by the awkward little boxes we all force ourselves into. We squeeze ourselves into them then argue for our right to stay there. "I'm the kind of person who needs a drink in their hand to feel comfortable at a party." "I'm the kind of person who never finishes anything she starts."
These days I'm working on being the kind of person who earns their own trust... I like the idea of the tattoo. 😊
Thank you for this brilliant, thought-provoking piece!
I’ve been eager to have a discussion about the Huberman scandal ? but like you most of my IRL peeps don’t know who he is. 🤷♀️ my coworkers have zero idea. My bf sort of heard of him. We had an interesting chat around alpha men, morality, podcast fame vs. other fame & the possible motives of NY magazine. I thought the article was poorly written. She did not stay with a clear thesis nor back up her arguments (that Huberman was erratic and untrustworthy). I wonder what her goal was. I wonder how his podcast is doing. I wonder if there’s a bump up in listenership or a decline. Probably a bump. Initially the article was triggering for me around past boyfriends so I had to sort that out too.
Oh man I did not have the takeaway that the article was poorly written. It seems that the intent was to question the integrity of this big personality in the wellness world especially when it comes to his treatment of women. I also recognize that I bring my own bias into my reading because of my past. I was entangled with a love fraud for years and am now sensitive to any deceptive behaviors in romantic relationships. I use Facebook mostly for the private group that I won’t name, but there are different chapters for different regions, and the intent is to provide a forum for women to share info and about new partners to make sure that they aren’t being love-conned. I guess that’s why every aspect of this story stirred up so much in me—especially the question of trust (I spent $100 on Athletic Greens).
I hear you. “Love fraud”. I definitely bring my own bias. I dated several of those. One was rather traumatizing and I had to check in with myself as well. I do think the NY magazine writer succeeded in questioning his integrity, especially in romantic relationships. I wish she had been more focused. I think she jumped around quite a bit and took a long time to get to her point. If she were more focused, I think her argue would have been taken more seriously.
I am curious about the Haberman scandal? I guess I was lucky to find I was not able to get through 1/3 of an endless episode, I was curious about the science behind eyes but I never got the data
Thx