Great post! One of my biggest frustrations with Sex and the City was that Carrie didn't have the self-worth to kick Big to the curb.... such an appalling message for women (even as I lapped up the show at the time).... and the fact that he chose her at the end, and they supposedly lived 'happily ever after' (until he died in the follow up) is such utterly misleading fairytale fiction 😝 I think this is a big part of where women go wrong in relationships, we are still on some level imbibing these overly romanticised myths and, yes, waiting to be picked, instead of taking charge of our destinies!
Even as we rail against it, it feels like an inevitable cycle. I'm much better (I think) of letting go of what doesn't want me, but I see it playing out in the relationships of all the younger people I know. The excruciating pining followed by the fix of "love" is like a drug that keeps them coming back.
Okay, totally picking you to win SOMETHING for this essay. Seriously, so great, Julie. And, oof. That pick-me energy infected me for life back in pre-school and elementary. I was the worst, most annoying version of Teacher's Pet you could imagine. I've been trying to get back there ever since.
Ugh yes, I was an acolyte of SATC, my ankles tottering on heels all through my 20s. We must be the same age. Now I listen to this podcast "Every Outfit on Sex and the City" and they just dissect entire episodes, and I realize what a narcissist Carrie was! She and Big deserved each other. Now I have to go read Unbearable Lightness because I'm realizing that the last time I read it was when I was 100% Carrie Bradshaw.
Absofuckinglutely fantastic essay. I’m sorry - I had to. Don’t hate me. :)
In all seriousness though, I relate on so many levels with all of what you so thoughtfully shared. Thank you so much. To me in recovery, it feels so good to just be one among many. It’s a huge relief to not need to be picked, to just count myself in and pull up a chair.
Julie, this is so good! The piece is layered and textured with nuance. So much one can say about it. It also took me back to a visceral memory of not being "the chosen one" when my teacher looked me straight in the eye, held my gaze for what seemed an endless moment. I just knew he was going to choose me to demonstrate a yoga pose I loved and worked hard to "get". Then his eyes moved on and chose my friend. Our sweet human frailties.
That sounds excruciating. That also reminds me of this moment when I was in a crowded room and a crush walked in, and his eyes appeared to light up when he saw me, and he waved. He then started walking past and talking to the girl who was directly behind me Crushed. Ugh, that rush and that deep deep low! Thanks for reading.
OMG, Julie. Not only have I modelled my entire life on lessons learned from The Unbearable Lightness of Being (it's the whole basis of my Substack About page! Look! https://michelleneeling.substack.com/about), I also repeatedly watched every single second of SATC AND got paid to subtitle it, thereby taking in every dodgy life lesson one frame at a time. After a decade of living like Carrie Bradshaw I was shocked when the Cosmopolitans didn't made me sophisticated but just made me really very drunk, and even more shocked when the unavailable guy I'd been in love with forever picked someone else. I thought I'd reevaluated most of my past decisions, but your post has shown me there's still aways to go... Time for a new About page! Thanks for the brilliant writing.
That's WILD. I'd never even heard of The Unbearable Lightness of Being until I was at the library a couple of weeks ago and it practically jumped off the shelf and into my hands. I just finished it today and returned it, but now I'm obsessed and have to see the movie and buy my own copy of the book so I can mark all my favorite pages and passages. It's phenomenal and also that's crazy that you also got paid to subtitle SATC and it all seems to prove my point that we are all just one same insignificant yet spectacular being!!!
I love that! Yes, insignificant and spectacular! I read The Unbearable Lightness at least once every few years, and this exchange is telling me that it's time to dust it off again. Let me know when you've got your own copy... I'll show you my favourite passages if you show me yours!
Great post! One of my biggest frustrations with Sex and the City was that Carrie didn't have the self-worth to kick Big to the curb.... such an appalling message for women (even as I lapped up the show at the time).... and the fact that he chose her at the end, and they supposedly lived 'happily ever after' (until he died in the follow up) is such utterly misleading fairytale fiction 😝 I think this is a big part of where women go wrong in relationships, we are still on some level imbibing these overly romanticised myths and, yes, waiting to be picked, instead of taking charge of our destinies!
Even as we rail against it, it feels like an inevitable cycle. I'm much better (I think) of letting go of what doesn't want me, but I see it playing out in the relationships of all the younger people I know. The excruciating pining followed by the fix of "love" is like a drug that keeps them coming back.
Okay, totally picking you to win SOMETHING for this essay. Seriously, so great, Julie. And, oof. That pick-me energy infected me for life back in pre-school and elementary. I was the worst, most annoying version of Teacher's Pet you could imagine. I've been trying to get back there ever since.
Ugh yes, I was an acolyte of SATC, my ankles tottering on heels all through my 20s. We must be the same age. Now I listen to this podcast "Every Outfit on Sex and the City" and they just dissect entire episodes, and I realize what a narcissist Carrie was! She and Big deserved each other. Now I have to go read Unbearable Lightness because I'm realizing that the last time I read it was when I was 100% Carrie Bradshaw.
It sounds like I would love that podcast, so thank you!
Absofuckinglutely fantastic essay. I’m sorry - I had to. Don’t hate me. :)
In all seriousness though, I relate on so many levels with all of what you so thoughtfully shared. Thank you so much. To me in recovery, it feels so good to just be one among many. It’s a huge relief to not need to be picked, to just count myself in and pull up a chair.
Right? It’s the very unspecialness of sobriety that gives me comfort. It’s that “all in this togetherness” that helps me keep going.
Julie, this is so good! The piece is layered and textured with nuance. So much one can say about it. It also took me back to a visceral memory of not being "the chosen one" when my teacher looked me straight in the eye, held my gaze for what seemed an endless moment. I just knew he was going to choose me to demonstrate a yoga pose I loved and worked hard to "get". Then his eyes moved on and chose my friend. Our sweet human frailties.
That sounds excruciating. That also reminds me of this moment when I was in a crowded room and a crush walked in, and his eyes appeared to light up when he saw me, and he waved. He then started walking past and talking to the girl who was directly behind me Crushed. Ugh, that rush and that deep deep low! Thanks for reading.
I LOVED this, Julie. Not sure how I found your substack but so happy to be here!! x
Happy to have you! It seems like all the best and most normal people stumble into this here word saloon. Cheers!
OMG, Julie. Not only have I modelled my entire life on lessons learned from The Unbearable Lightness of Being (it's the whole basis of my Substack About page! Look! https://michelleneeling.substack.com/about), I also repeatedly watched every single second of SATC AND got paid to subtitle it, thereby taking in every dodgy life lesson one frame at a time. After a decade of living like Carrie Bradshaw I was shocked when the Cosmopolitans didn't made me sophisticated but just made me really very drunk, and even more shocked when the unavailable guy I'd been in love with forever picked someone else. I thought I'd reevaluated most of my past decisions, but your post has shown me there's still aways to go... Time for a new About page! Thanks for the brilliant writing.
That's WILD. I'd never even heard of The Unbearable Lightness of Being until I was at the library a couple of weeks ago and it practically jumped off the shelf and into my hands. I just finished it today and returned it, but now I'm obsessed and have to see the movie and buy my own copy of the book so I can mark all my favorite pages and passages. It's phenomenal and also that's crazy that you also got paid to subtitle SATC and it all seems to prove my point that we are all just one same insignificant yet spectacular being!!!
I love that! Yes, insignificant and spectacular! I read The Unbearable Lightness at least once every few years, and this exchange is telling me that it's time to dust it off again. Let me know when you've got your own copy... I'll show you my favourite passages if you show me yours!
The pick me disease has infected me for decades!
You nail it here, Julie. Sooooo good.
Thanks, Allison. It feels good to just lay that monster on the table and look at it.
I’m the one who compared you to Carrie Bradshaw and I didn’t understand why it made you so upset
Announcing this is my form of pick-me
I always pick you, Karli.
I'm sure you did, but the first one was someone at work, and it felt like she slapped me in the face.